Match Report

vs Forfarshire (2010-07-24)

A game of snakes and ladders on the "road to Dundee"
 
The Dunfermline snakes slithered out of The Kingdom, confident of inflicting a mortal wound on Forfarshire's title ambitions on Saturday, to the banks of the silvery Tay. Leaving the splendour of McKane Park in the town of the seven kings to hit Dundee, acclaimed in the recent Travelodge awards as one of the five worst UK destinations, always leaves one travelling with a heavy heart. Victory and a seasons double over the ferrymen is all that could make the journey worthwhile.
 
Led for the first time by chief cobra professional Ally Gray of Cape Cobras fame, Dunfermline lost the toss and were invited to field. The Boa Constrictor make up of the Fifers attack would see 'The Dark Blue and Arab Select' reach a below 'Par' total of 220 in their 50 overs. Striking Viper S A Sharif had too much venom in his deliveries for the home batsmen and accounted for the fallen Scotland skipper Watson as predicted and discussed at Thursdays 'pit and tactics session' back in the Kingdom. Cobra Gray bowled his Sidewinders to great effect and frugality. Who knows what his figures would have been if the umpires had checked with the chief Fife Adder Dr K C Nisbet the number of overs the cobra had spat out. Overseas amateur M Bunting delivered some wicked deliveries relating to some Ozzie snake species none of us had ever heard of - it certainly was not the Victoria Widesnake Marsh has introduced us to. An interesting aside was that stockbroker Eric S Spreng (guess what the middle initial stands for) declared himself fit for 12th man duties when Stuart Campbell of drinks industry acclaim was late in arriving due to being held up when picking up the crate of snakebite to be awarded to the losers of the match.
 
 
The Forfarshire men were determined to defend their total and assisted by three LBWs had the kingsmen in a bit of bother. Will somebody tell these umpires snakes don't have legs !!! The snake index that is Duckworth Lewis in cricket had the Forthill men ahead and by now it was hissing down and the Forfarshire men wanted to get back inside their Fort hoping no doubt to pull up the drawbridge and remain safely inside and claim a truncated victory. Snakes have waterproof skin and a bit of hiss ain't going to see us run for cover. Enter the Viper Sharif and the Python Shahzad and 86 runs later victory, glory, bragging rights etc etc etc would return to The Kingdom. The 'Bonnets o Dundee' were left to polish their Five Worst City Destination Trophy and cry into their snakebite.
 
A great day out in Angus when the Fife Counter landed on a Ladder and the Forfarshire one hit the snake and tumbled back down the board that is the SNCL Premier Division table.
 
The night was concluded with the now famous T at Mckane Festival at the Snakepit, while no doubt the lights went out early at the fort in Mcgonagall Country.
 
The King sits in Dunfermline Toun.
 
Colin A Boyle - ( A is for Anaconda)